Yeah, Let me just introduce myself as a Gemini-man here. I met a wonderful Aquarius woman almost 4 years ago. She is named after the gems, Amethyst.
What can I
say? When we met, my life changed. My whole world changed. It is fated this way...
We met online by chance and have never met in person and we never even talked about love, but ever since we met, Ame, she has been the most important person in my life. I try to pretend she isn’t because she was in a relationship when we met. I never thought about love seriously then. I never thought about a lot of things until that day. I still wake up with her on my mind. Still spend a lot of time every day convincing myself, that I don’t need her.
After sometimes, we knew each other Amethyst felt so comfortable with me that she shared all her stories with her "future husband to be" with me. How he say things to her, how she felt about what he said and all others of their conversation. I can feel a pang of jealousy but I didn't mention any of it to her. I want all the best for her, protect her from any harm or even any of heartache.
We have this connection.. I’m sure and even though we’ve never discussed it, I know she feels it too. Even if she denies it, I know she feels it. But I am a gentleman and I won’t push her. So I’ll just keep smiling and keep on going and I’ll tell beautiful woman after beautiful woman (who all seem to want me now, why now?) that I can’t, that is isn’t them, it’s me and no I’m not gay and yes you are beautiful… but sorry. No matter how many lady I meet in person or new person I meet online, nobody nearing to replace her in my heart not even close. No matter how young or how beautiful they are...
Because my heart is somewhere else and none of them deserve the mess of a broken heart that I have left. It’s hers anyway. She didn’t ask for it and I didn’t decide to give it. It is what it is and nothing has changed in all this time. I just want so badly to have her close, to hug her and tell her I love her and for it to mean something to her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and no, I’m not young. I know people say I should date other women and I do have fun and do things with them, but what people don’t understand is that dating any of the women I’ve met would be akin to buying clothes as a remedy for heart disease.
The part of me that was broken by this woman is beyond the reach of the rest of them. I don’t walk around depressed. I would even say I’m happy to an extent. I laugh and have a good time as much as I can, but there’s a lingering pain, a constant irritation in my soul that goes from a slight discomfort all the way to an open wound at seemingly random times, but it never leaves me. There’s the grief of having lost a loved one whom I’ve never met, a shortness of the breath, an emptiness in the chest.
How I wish I could change things. How I want so badly not to live in this world without her. Just as no means no, nothing can’t mean something. I have many Aquarius friends and not every Gem/Aqua combo is a match made in heaven, but I know of a pair that in my mind could reach the stars if only fate would allow it.
Everything just happen. Perhaps this is what they said fated to be.
ohhh.. I don't really know what to do.. to move on..
Its seem
that all my entire life is surrounded by memories of her sweetness that is so
delicately beautiful.
